Monday, December 15, 2008

A Misconstrued View Of Marriage

You know how sometimes you feel like there is a much needed break from the routine of life? Maybe you need a vacation or you've just been working so hard all week that you need a minute to breathe. That happens. But what about in marriage? Do we feel like we need a break from our spouses sometimes? Is it really that serious?

I'll come back to that question.

I've been in New Orleans for a week and a couple of days. I'll be here for two weeks. I was given the opportunity to come to my parent's home and relax for a couple of weeks. After coming off what seemed like the flu, and my son, who was sick with bronchitis and really bad ear infections, we were a mess at home. My husband couldn't take off work so I was at home trying to manage things on my own. Keep in mind, I am almost four months pregnant and suffers with morning sickness in the first trimester. With that said, it was tough and when my parents called with the suggestion, I discussed it with my husband and started packing. This was a much needed time for myself to relax.

Is it easy to be away from my husband for two weeks? No. Do I feel like I needed to get away from him? Not at all. There was a purpose behind my visit back home and it wasn't to get away from my husband.

Here's where the world has a miscontrued view of marriage. Two weeks away from your spouse must mean a party, hanging with the fellas at a club, not caring about the house or the responsibility to work- just party all the time, party all the time for two weeks until wifey and the little one comes home.

My husband was offended.

Some of his coworkers were like, "Man, you've got two weeks on your own. You must be loving that!". As if he's some sort of bachelor all over again. Do you know what my husband said to me, "I miss you. I love you and I'm miserable out here without you and Kellus." He explained to me that he is not thinking anywhere close to how they think. He continued to explaine that he doesn't feel like he needs a break from me. He's bored without us; lonely without his family.

Why is it that the world has such a view?

I'm assuming, the same people who think they need a break from their spouses are the ones who probably really need it because they are experiencing marital hardship of some sort. Maybe they do need a break to recoupe and get it together before the word divorce rises to the surface.

Now, a day hanging with your girls to get girl-time in is one thing. Playing ball with the guys to hang out is another. But, a desperation to escape from your spouse for a couple of weeks is terrible and it shouldn't be that way at all.

Think about all of the wives and husbands who are married to soldiers still fighting overseas. Think about how long they stay there. They are there for months/ years until they can come home to their spouses. That is hard. I can't imagine. When my husband goes out of town for work it's tough for me because we are so close to each other and appreciate the time God is allowing us to be together.

Let me just encourage you with this. If you're married, love your spouse so much to where you can't stay being away from them. Keep them close to you because tomorrow is not promised to any of us. If you have issues, work them out.

Maybe it's me, but I want to love my husband and be there for my husband the way the Lord wants me to and because I love him.

He knows I miss him. And when I'm back home, we'll certainly welcome each other with open arms!

Thanks for stopping by. Have a blessed day!



Ashley Weis said...

Great post, Kennisha! So true.

I think I'd have a hard time leaving for 2 weeks even if I did need it... I miss my family soooo much. A little obsessed I think.

quietspirit said...

When we love our spouses, we make choices to allow that love to be seen.
As Christian women, we have guidelines as to how we are to operate and communicate with our spouces.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

I want to love my husband at such a level. Most days I do, but there's always a season when my flesh cries out for some breathing room. Whenever it comes, it isn't long before I'm craving his companionship again. He's my very best friend, and I thank God every day for giving me the gift of my him. Besides, I'm way too tire to stay out past 9:00. Really. It comes with age and kids. Just wait.


Wanza Leftwich, The Gospel Writer said...


I've been there where I thought I needed a break. Truth is, my hubby and I can't stay away from each other longer. A few hours at most before one of us is calling the other. It's 10:43am now and he's called me at least 7 times for one thing or another this morning.

I pray for those who may read your post and are experiencing marital heartbreak. I've been there - didn't think it would work. I pray that God brings strength and renewal to their marriage.

I'm 5 1/2 years into marriage. I could have walked out after 6 months but God is teaching me daily to extend the same love that he (God) has for me to my husband.

I don't get everything right but God doesn't leave me. I don't obey him all the time, yet he forgives me and gives me a second chance.

If we exhibit these quailities in our marriages we can be successful in our relationships.

I could go on and on. My sister and I were just talking about this subject. Perfect timing, Kennisha.

Be blessed and get the rest you need - it'll only make you better when you return home.

Ashley Weis said...

Nice comment, Wanza!

Kennisha Hill said...

Hi Ashley! Thanks for your comment girl. It's really challenging- being away from him. I miss him so much! Hey, it's ok to be a 'little' obsessed! :) haha..

Hi Cecelia! Thanks for your comment also. I completely agree that we make our own choices on whether we want that love to be seen. I know I want it to be seen. I want to let the world know! Shout it from the mountain top!

Hi Elaine!
Thanks for your comment. I do know about needing 'breathing room'. And I think healthy space is certainly beneficial. My motives just aren't because I NEED to get away from him so badly. These two weeks have been challenging- but I'm sure it'll cause our love to grow even closer! Marriage is awesome!

Hi Wanza!
Thanks so much for your comment also. Praise God that things are better. Marriage certainly has it's challenges. Lord knows our first year was almost a disaster for many reasons. But as time goes on and the more we submit our lives to Christ, he will truly make things better and the love for our husbands will grow. I really appreciate your comment. It truly blessed me today!