Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I'm not good at this!

Do you ever feel like you're not good at something and so you secretly shout "What's the Point?"

Lately,  I've been vigorously editing my upcoming debut novel "Awakened". The story is so timely and one that I truly believe God has poured inside of me to share to the selected audience who will read it. Well, it has had me on my P's and Q's. With my 9 month old daughter now walking and my son being very inquisitive and active, I hardly get much time in the day to put towards writing/editing. So, I've been learning how to effectively manage my day and schedule my writing times during their naps.

Thank God for naps!

Mama's everywhere know what I'm talking about.

Well, I was washing the dishes when I just about had a breaking point. You see, the past few weeks, I've been on a roll with editing and really preparing to wrap this thing up so I can start promoting, marketing, etc since I'm independently publishing it. It just seemed like the world around me didn't exist. Have you ever felt you were so focused on something until life just seemed to pass right on by? Yep, that's how I felt. And, that's pretty sad considering I have two small children and am married. What I noticed around me began to frighten me.

It wasn't that my priorities were shifting a bit (although they slightly were), I just started to feel almost unworthy to be in the shoes that I'm in.

Here's what I mean...

I am very blessed to be able to stay home with my children. I know this is a desire for many. But there have been times when I've felt awful for not really indulging in the livelihood of stay-at-home-motherhood.

This thought echoed over and over in my mind.

I am NOT good at this.

I'm not your average mom who bakes or sows.
I don't know how to work a sowing machine.
I love to cook, but I'd rather write.
I can't stand doing laundry. (It's my mom's therapy!)
I'd rather clean a toilet than a dirty diaper.
I'd rather deal with a rude client than a toddler with a tantrum

Can I be real?

And what convicts me every time is when my husband comes home from work and the house is a mess with kids toys everywhere when they should be neatly put up.

I could go on...
But after a long talk with my husband and edification from the Lord, I realized something.

God doesn't expect us to be perfect. We are supposed to strive for perfection in Christ. But that takes time, discipline and consistency.

You see, the mother's who got this thing down to a T, like my mom, can tell you it wasn't always easy. In fact, they still are a work in progress.

It doesn't matter where we are in life, we're growing. We all are. But in order to work towards perfecting a craft, whether it's the art of parenting, marriage, or whatever your career is, you've got to seek God's wisdom and maintain a level of discipline. You can always be better at it... but don't beat yourself up about it!

I'd like to encourage you today, if your feelings are similar to the ones posted here today. God knows you aren't perfect, and he doesn't expect you to be perfect. Trust God that he can give you the proper strength and ability as you work towards perfecting your craft. Put it in His hands. Allow him to remove any negative or impure thoughts. And then trust that he'll guide you right.

I know he will.

Thank you for visiting The Ready Writer. I pray this devotional has blessed you today. Have a blessed week in our Lord Jesus Christ!

Kennisha Hill
Author & Speaker| http://kennisha-hill.com

Please post your comments here.


Keisha said...

Kennisha, Kennisha, Kennisha...you have put into words what I was JUST thinking. Thank you for being transparent today...I REALLY needed this!

Blessings to you,

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Very encouraging, Kennisha. As a stay at home mom, I experience many of these same feelings on a regular basis! I need to do better with my responsibilities, and having my kids home on spring break has really shed some light into what I'm doing right and what I could do better.

Thank God for his continuing love over me and for...


Although I, nor my children, have taken one in YEARS!


Christian Mommy Writer said...

Well amen to that! I can't even add on that so I'll just leave it as it.

Anonymous said...

SO true! Life is crazy for me right now and I've had to realize more and more every day how much God doesn't require of me what I often require of myself. Cleaning never ends. I don't know how some women keep their houses neat ... unless they are just super stressed people, because that's what I'd be! I barely have enough time in the day to take a shower and eat!

Queen said...

Nisha, I am not a mother, but I certainly needed to read this. God isn't half as critical of us as we are of ourselves. And at the end of the day, he sits back and smiles as He watches us striving for perfection! Cuz he can see us at the end point, far from where we started, better than where we started! Thanks for posting! God Bless!